Romance 9-1-1

How can you re-ignite your love life in just three simple steps? Here, Austin-based professional matchmaker Julia McCurley, explains how taking action can charge up your romantic endeavors.

As a professional matchmaker, every day I listen to stories every from frustrated single men and women who feel that they are spinning their wheels in the often unpredictable world of finding love.  Sure, it is easy to get down on yourself and others when first dates are not leading to second dates or your well-intended married friend is sure that you and her neighbor are meant for each other (but you are not). Or, when “ladies nights” are more depressing than attending a funeral, if you are invited to one more wedding,.. you might resort to buying a one- way ticket to Tahiti. I can confirm that if if you change your attitude, you will change your life. Here are my three surefire strategies to find and attract the love you rightly deserve:

FEELS SO GOOD

First, feel good about yourself.  It all starts with loving the fabulous and desirable you. Just like you rotate your tires on your car, its time to rotate your beliefs about what you have to offer someone. How? Be more emotionally attractive, therefore more emotionally available. Rid yourself of negative thoughts such as” all men just want friends with benefits, or women are just using me for a free meal.  Finding and attracting love requires an open heart and open mind.  Don’t make the mistake of putting the behaviors of past loves onto future loves.  You have no idea if this new person is perfectly willing to drive 20 miles unlike Mr. Ex who always made you drive to his house.

Secondly, do your best to tray and be more physically attractive. Let’s face it:  we do judge a book by its cover.  Always be prepared to meet that Miss or Mr. Right, no matter where you go. Dress and look your best at all times, grocery store included. If you are feeling self conscious about a few extra pounds, get it taken care of by becoming healthier.  Studies prove that regular exercise treats depression and releases dopamine that is the chemical which makes you feel good.  If you haven’t updated your wardrobe in awhile, find a fashionable friend to go shopping with or hire an image consultant. A flattering hairstyle, white teeth, and well-manicured hands and feet are details that are all important and not to be overlooked.  n addition to helping you with that first impression, they can go a long way toward making you feel consistently more confident.

CIRCLE OF FRIENDS

Widen your circle of opportunity and switch up your routine.  Here’s how: go to that business networking meeting across town, join your college alumni group, say yes to that charity function invitation, reach out to former co-workers, take that cooking class, learn to play golf, join the church choir, volunteer at the local animal shelter, join the singles dining club, the list goes on and on.

The more people you interact with on a regular basis, the more chances you will come across that special someone. I am not suggesting that finding love is a numbers game. On the contrary, the more time you spend with people and the less time you spend on the couch allows more opportunities to meet more singles. Plus, it is an opportunity for personal development growth will likely make you a more dynamic and interesting person.

REALISTICLY SPEAKING

Be realistic. None of us are perfect.  So, it is more important to find someone who has a similar lifestyle and values, not how tall they are, what their bra size is, what kind of car they drive, and so on.  When you are 75, is it really going to matter if they have a full head of hair (highly unlikely)? Or, if they love going to NASCAR races and watching football with you?  If you are not a 10, quit expecting to find a 10, or make yourself a 10.

Finally, stop reading the newspaper and watching the news so much.  Studies show that it is negative and can clutter your mind with worry and sadness.  If there is anything important you should know (A.K.A a 9/11-level event) I promise someone will mention it to you. Take the time you save to go see that movie, check out the new restaurant everyone is talking about, buy season tickets for the hockey/baseball/college team, go to the spa, or sign up for a wine tasting class. It is time better spent.

In summary, Romance 9-1-1 starts where all relationships start… with you. Even if it has been a while, or if you are still getting over the pain of a traumatic breakup, the future does not have to be scary.  Have confidence, assume the best of other people, and just get out there.  As my husband likes to say, “You can’t catch any fish if you never go the lake.”  There are plenty of fish out there, and with these three steps, you’ll be catching them in no time.

Julia McCurley, whose true calling is finding love and happiness for others, is founder and CEO of Something More and can be reached by visiting Trysomethingmore.com

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